So, now I’m an artist.

Was it really that easy?Watch Full Movie Streaming Online and Download

Yes, and no.

Winding back a bit.

In January 2014 I wrote this post on my photography blog explaining why I was no longer a photographer, in a business sense, anyway.

A year later, in January 2015 I fell apart. It was like a physical falling, into a deep pit within myself, an extreme form of the spiralling in I have experienced most winters. A shutting down of the senses, an inability to cope with the stimuli that the world bombarded me with. I clung to the walls of the house- sometimes literally, for stability and comfort and was unable to leave for a few weeks. Anyone who has experienced crippling anxiety and an exhausting depression knows what a feat of will it takes just to get up in the morning. It was hell. And yet I have everything in life I have ever wanted- I am seriously blessed. So why did it happen?

 

 

Arguably it’s a moot question; suffice to say I was experiencing a perfect storm of hormonal change; the loss of social interaction running a successful photography business gave me; a pummelling two-year programme of house renovations; an emptying nest as the children turned the corner into adulthood; a transition from daughter to carer for my mum as she was diagnosed with dementia just before my dad’s death… and a mid life lack of direction and purpose, all resulting in this devastating existential crisis.

 

All these were understandable causes for depression, but god knows I’ve coped with more in my life. I truly believe that there often isn’t a cause, as such, for depression. That often, as in my case, if we don’t jealously guard our well-being, we are all susceptible. The huge irony is I have long been interested, in a layperson’s way, in the subject of Positive Psychology. (I’ve even got a certificate in that, too!) Pos. Psych. is often called the science of happiness. Some might call it ‘self help’. I prefer to see it as practicing having a conscious relationship with ones own Self. The truth is, I am a super-sensitive soul and if I don’t proactively participate in a regular practice of vigorous self care, I’m done for.  I’m not talking about facials and botox (I’m pretty low maintenance that way!) but clean eating, yoga, fresh air, a social life that suited this outgoing but essentially introverted soul, and art. Lots of art. At this time, I wasn’t doing any at all. I’d taken my eye off the ball, and forgotten that one of the main tenets of wellbeing is to feel meaning and purpose in life. I needed time to work out, now that I had choices, what was nourishing me and what didn’t.

And so, I started painting again.

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